Brigadier General Synod

The party that gave us the crusades in Kosovo, Sierra Leone, Afghanistan and Iraq has proclaimed that Britain must be prepared for a "wartime scenario" on its own soil even if the military get all the new toys they want. Such warnings have certainly almost never been heard in recent years, perhaps because the party of Mr Churchill has been too busy fighting against our citizens and trading partners. Still, the present oracle seems to have spoken from the most moderate and sensible of motives; so naturally the Church of England is all of a tizzy about how to jaw-jaw its way into the coming war-war. As a measure of the seriousness with which it takes the situation, the General Synod will next month take time off from worrying about money and sexual hanky-panky in order to hear from an expert on loving enemies and turning cheeks. Naturally, the Synod will not fail to consider how the Church can do its part for victory; expected proposals include working with schools on issues of duty, obedience and service, making the holy places hospitable and welcoming to unrepentant hired killers, and liberating army chaplains from the bureaucratic restraints that have hitherto prevented them from doing what they need to do by way of executing the will of the Omnipotent.