Relevant Policies for Real Plebs
Now that Sir Edward Davey has rebuilt his party's base by falling into various bodies of water and trumpeting his status as a carer, the former Deputy Conservatives evidently feel emboldened to shake things up a bit in the policy department. Their proposed amendment to a bill now going through Parliament would make it an offence to emit excess gadget noise while on public transport or at stations and bus stops. The party spokesbeing on home affairs trilled that "everyone deserves to feel safe and respected on public transport" except, it goes without saying, for drivers, station staff and anyone inconsiderate enough to live where providing public transport is insufficiently profitable for the right sort of people. She also handily enumerated the legitimate uses of buses and trains, namely commuting towards employment or transporting the wage-serfs of tomorrow towards their compulsory training in economic usefulness. Self-evidently, journeys home or on holiday are the prerogative of hard-working families with the use of cars and helicopters. As one would expect of so moderate and sensible a solution to so significant a national issue, the Conservatives are prepared to give their support provided the statute is "properly enforced," presumably by armed guards with decibel counters and powers to impose discretionary on-the-spot custodial sentences. Whether Team Starmer is prepared to take the matter as seriously as it takes pot-holes, trans-bashing and the need to stamp out anti-entrepreneurial bat colonies remains as yet to be seen.
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