Nonentity Seeks Role as Vacuum Salesman

Outer space is difficult to enter, ruinously expensive to live in, fundamentally hostile to human life, and disproportionately populated by the US military; so it should hardly come as a surprise that a Conservative Party has-been is having a bit of a blather about it. The parliamentary expenses claimant for Mid-Norfolk, who served as science minister for a prime minister who was too oafish to know what science was and then for another who was too rich to care, has decided on a rah-rah new role for Britain in the jolly old universe. Since there are a lot of those satellite whatsits up there and nobody sensible is in control of them, the parliamentary expenses claimant for Mid-Norfolk has undergone one of those Damascene reversals of principle that so often occur to people who were once in office and are now out of it, and has become a champion of regulation. As envisaged by the visionary member, Britain's rah-rah new role will be a combination of traffic warden and waste disposal custodian, damping down the buccaneering and making sure all participants in the space race drive on the appropriate side of the road.