Epidermal Security

Both the US Department of Hyperactive Spookery and the Texas Department of Proper Skin appear to be circulating pictures of random tattoos as telltale stigmata of Venezuelan tendencies, with the result that Britain's long-hallowed role as sidekick to the World Cop has taken on an inspiring new dimension. A Derbyshire man was surprised to find his personal tattoo conscripted into the war against Latinoid drug orcs, and is now worried that a planned family holiday in Miami might culminate in a side-trip to Guantánamo at the head-tribble's pleasure; although such worries are no doubt unfounded, since in cases such as this the head-tribble is known to favour El Salvador. Meanwhile, it remains as yet unclear whether the Trumpster administration's reading of Leviticus chapter nineteen will prompt similarly zealous interventions against the simultaneous wearing of linens and woollens.