Spot the Red State

Communities in the South Plains region of the Christian state of Texas are celebrating the appointment of the Kennedy brainworm as health secretary with the largest measles epidemic in thirty years. Despite large numbers of citizens denying their children vaccination and trusting in God to protect them, ninety cases have been identified in the past month; although at least sixteen of those cases indulged in sufficient backsliding to permit themselves the impiety of hospitalisation. Additional cases are likely to occur according to experts, however, it must be borne in mind that their expertise is likely to be merely medical and epidemiological; so they probably failed to take into account the copious quantities of thoughts and prayers which are no doubt present in the region, and the purifying effect thereof.