By Grace of Nigel

Farage Falange Incorporated will not be suspending a parliamentary flunkey who was convicted of assaulting his girlfriend. The conviction was eighteen years ago and the flunkey in question did not see fit to mention it before some nice people in Essex elevated him to the House of Expenses Claimants, despite its obvious potential for increasing his vote among those unafflicted by the woke mind virus. Fulsomely redemptive blah-blah has been forthcoming since the Murdoch Times snitched about the matter, with the Falange's First Undernigel proclaiming that we're a Christian nation (we aren't) and that Christianity is about forgiveness, which is true in approximately the same sense as the one about the Nazis being socialists. Translated from the sanctimonious, the flunkey is a well-fleshed white investment banker who has learned his lesson in British values: namely that if you want to kick someone when they're down it's cheaper and simpler in the long run to do it through the proper channels.