The Only Good Democrat is a Dead Democrat

Following the Yellow Peril and the Red Scare, and preceding the use of aircraft condensation trails to dispense mind-controlling drugs, the mainstream Murcan conspiracy industry became heavily invested in the shooting of an ordinary dynastic thug who was subsequently transfigured into perhaps the most over-rated political figure this side of Winston Churchill. As a gesture of magnanimity towards the Kennedy brainworm, the Trumpster's head-tribble has authorised its host to permit the release of classified government records relating to the assassination, which Baby Jesus was unfortunately unable to prevent as He was conserving His energies to foil the assassination of the Trumpster. Murcans have been warned not to expect any spectacular revelations, especially as some records have been destroyed during the intervening decades; almost certainly including those which placed beyond all reasonable doubt the involvement of the CIA, the mafia, the Roswell immigrant community and the late President Carter.