Not How Things Are Done

Ominous rumours have begun to circulate among His Majesty's Loyal Opposition concerning the racism of Robert Jenrick. Formerly the Minister for Richard Desmond, Jenrick has fallen from those heights to the undignified position of shadow spokesbeing for Hanging, Flogging and Castration's Too Good For 'Em, and even the psychological acuity of the Conservative Party can fathom that he might now be feeling a little under-promoted. In the wake of his latest pogromade about darkie culture defiling the children of Albion, concerns have emerged that the racism of Robert Jenrick is looking dangerously unlike the normal, reasonable, clean-limbed racism that is favoured by the master race. The racism of Robert Jenrick does not resemble the bluff, honest, straight-talking and amusingly deniable racism of the party's blithering bully-boy wing; neither does the racism of Robert Jenrick match up to the upright, no-nonsense, virtuous and strait-labial racism of the blue-rinsed church-goer faction. The racism of Robert Jenrick is an altogether different and inferior order of racism to the racism that won the war, built the Empire, freed the slaves and kept all those statues upright. In fact there is even some doubt as to whether the racism of Robert Jenrick is anything more than a thin veneer of racism over a dark, greasy, sweaty, culturally inferior core of mere ambition, and intended for no more noble purpose than getting the Conservative Party on his side.