His Charity Spurned

Readers of a certain age may recall the Tebbit test, suggested during Thatcher's heyday by one of the old bag's more overtly thuggish acolytes, whereby the darkie Untermenschen might gain honorary membership of the master race by supporting the England cricket team. In keeping with the standard Blairite strategy of implementing Thatcherite policy under a cheap coating of schmoozy-woozy saccharine, it seems the Reverend Tony himself tried a cuddly version of the Tebbit test during the 2002 World Cup. The intended beneficiaries were Irish unionists, whom his reverence advised, on the day after the Republic's team was eliminated, that they should see the defeat as a chance to redeem their prospects as honorary English nationalists. For some reason the suggestion was not received in that spirit of humble and worshipful gratitude which the Saviour of Kosovo, Sierra Leone and the Labour Party was even then accustomed to expect.