Rich History

England is justifiably proud of its glorious history, which extends further back than almost anyone else's; certainly further back than those of the upstart Indians or the Heathen Chinee, whose histories had to wait for Robert Clive and the Opium Wars to get properly under way. Fortunately, history is also a commercially viable commodity, as witness the record amount paid at auction for a piece of memorabilia from the Titanic - an episode of maritime Britishness whose progression from world-beating boosterism to costly inconvenience arguably makes it as quintessential as Dunkirk or the Terra Nova fiasco. Items from the Titanic are growing rarer, and thus gaining greater market value, as private collectors buy them up and squirrel them away, thereby fuelling economic growth and protecting England's history from the grubby gaze of museum-goers. According to the auctioneer, this is because private collectors are interested in people, unlike silly old historians who tend to prioritise facts over big-budget soap opera. Obviously, people emerge much less vividly from mere facts than from items which they once owned and handled and which are subsequently owned and hoarded by rich idiots. If you ever get the chance, you should try it for yourself: just fondle a pocket-watch that has been auctioned for a million and a half, and then read any history book you like and see if you can find a person in it. The difference will almost certainly be palpable.