Daylight Raabery

Forty-nine days is a long time in politics, especially when there's money in it. Government ministers who lose their jobs - for any reason whatever and after any length of what is customarily referred to by the Newspeak term service - are entitled to a quarter of their annual salary in compensation. The money is repayable if and only if the crook, liar or incompetent in question receives the superior compensation of another ministry within three weeks. Hence the loutish Dominic Raab, whom La Truss ejected from the Ministry of Profitable Punishment, and who was subsequently restored to the position only to resign after bullying the sort of people who can fight back, has received a severance payment worth about seventy per cent of a nurse's annual starting salary, which he is entitled to keep because in forty-nine days not even La Truss managed to bungle the task of not awarding Dominic Raab another ministry. As the Fishy Rishi administration stumbled towards the coup de disgrâce, Raab joined other brave souls in opting for the rodentine maritime evacuation manoeuvre; his constituents voted in a Deputy Conservative, apparently under the impression that this would lead to change, and Raab himself is now presumably awaiting the call from Team Starmer offering him the Civility Tsardom.