Past Glories

Following its recent near-reset of Conservative policy vis à vis the beastly Euro-wogs, Team Starmer is set for further diplomatic triumphs in the Caribbean, where the master race will neither apologise for its role in the transatlantic slave trade nor deign to discuss the issue of reparations. This means that Team Starmer is taking a more robustly Imperialist position than either the king, who has gone about as far as he can without a ministerial sign-off, or the Church of England, which has undertaken to pass around the plate for conscience-money rather than sacrifice anything it already owns. The Minister for Wogs, Beads and Trinkets, who in opposition identified himself as a Caribbean person and proclaimed that "we don’t just want to hear an apology, we want reparations," has modified (in Standard English, reversed) his position in light of the need to support a ceasefire in the Middle East, shame the Heathen Chinee, and drive growth across his economy.