Clearly Contains Nuts

A majority ruling by the supreme court in the nominally English-speaking state of Ohio has proclaimed that meat which is marketed as "boneless" should be expected to contain bones. The case arose from a lawsuit by a diner who ordered boneless chicken wings and subsequently underwent an osteo-oesophagal penetrative mishap; and the court has ruled that the word "boneless" in such a context should no more be literally understood than the word "fingers" in chicken fingers, because everyone knows that birds literally have neither fingers nor bones.

Clearly, this ruling has wide-reaching implications, although they may not actually reach, be wide or imply anything. In a culture where conservatives are far-right revolutionaries, Republicans are dictatorial theocrats and Democrats are oligarchical plutocrats, it was obviously high time for linguistic reform in the marketing of literal as well as political fodder. Diners who prefer, or need, food that is gluten-free, sugarless or made without animal products may soon live in interesting times. Whether a majority in the Ohio state supreme court should be literally understood as a majority in the Ohio state supreme court remains as yet to be determined.