Freer Wills

Mike Freer, to whose ignominious removal as local Commons expenses claimant the present writer hopes one day to have the pleasure of contributing, is quite the little loyalist. He was a Cameroon and a remainer under the glistening pink Head Boy, a Brexiteer under Tumbledown Tessie, and a bully-for-hire under the National Johnson; and he joined the herd resignations from Team Big Dog with a particularly abject little yap, as a married gay man invoking the prime minister responsible for Section 28. Naturally enough, under the régime of Fishy Rishi the loyal Freer has once more trimmed his pragmatism to the prevailing fashion by taking up the destruction of history. The Ministry for Profitable Incarceration, where the loyal Freer is now ensconced, has responded to the recent cyber-attack on the British Library in characteristic fashion: with the Library's online catalogue and digitised documents all unavailable for the past two months, the plan is to save the cost of a few ministerial lunches by digitising a hundred million historical documents and then throwing away any originals which do not appear noteworthy to the likes of Mike Freer. Among the incidental advantages of this policy is the likelihood of losing papers left by individuals who have little or no historical reputation at present but may appear more significant in the future, and thereby foiling the anti-patriotic machinations of Woke History. With his usual impeccable comic timing, the loyal Freer delivered an official boast about saving the taxpayer "valuable money" on the day when the headlines were bulging with the squillions which his most recent masters spaffed up the assets of pandemic profiteers Mone and Barroman Incorporated.