The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, April 19, 2021

Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

Though the Woo Han Peſtilence be moſt thoroughly vanquiſhed from the mighty Shores of our Iſles, through the Divine Grace and the Courageouſneſs of the Engliſhneſs of the Britiſhneſs of our Steadfaſtneſs, it appeareth that certain leſser Breeds have not attained ſuch a Degree of Advancement, as would enable them to impoſe upon the deathly Plague, a ſtatutory Limitation of its Reſidence to extend no further than Midſummer's Day. For with much Regret our noble and ſtraight-ſpeaking Prime Miniſter hath been forced to poſtpone his propoſed Sojourn to the Eaſt Indies, where the Heathen Hindoo, the deadly Dagger-wielding Sikh and the Muſsulman Mouncher of Mung-beanes carry on their depraved and corrupt Exiſtence amid their Pagan Burnooſes and Bhagwans, with ſuch rare Order as there is, being maintained ſolely by the Scourge of Thuggee and the naturall benevolent Attrition of the Cholera and the Pox. There can be little Doubt, that the Viſitation of our great Leader and his impreſsive memoriſed Collection of improving Textes, together with that ſuperlatively ſtateſmanlike diplomatick Inſtinct, which induced him upon a previous Excurſion to enter the Temple of Amrit-Sar and fart a Repertoire of patriotick Engliſh Tunes, muſt greatly have fortified the moral Fibre and ſtiffened the cultural Sinew, of thoſe benighted and undeveloped Primitives.

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