The Curmudgeon


Monday, September 08, 2014

In Touch

I am in receipt of a flyer, apparently authored by George Osborne under the pseudonym of Mike Freer, Member of the Expenses-Claiming Community for Finchley and Golders Green. As one might expect, the Chancellor's achievements have been limited only by the amount of self-congratulation which can be fitted onto a mere sheet of A4 paper.

The budget deficit, for one, is "down by a third since the election." Presumably this is the same deficit which the Chancellor promised to eliminate entirely within a single parliament; which presumably means that, on his own terms, he has failed.

Oh well, never mind. "Growth forecasts have been revised upwards ... and Britain is set to grow faster than the USA, France or Germany", thanks to the Bullingdon Bubble in the housing market. Given the Chancellor's performance in other areas, it would have been considerate of him to let us know how soon after May 2015 the bubble is scheduled to burst.

"People who have worked hard and saved all their lives will no longer be forced to take out an annuity", while those who work hard but don't make enough to save will keep working hard until they drop, or else be driven to despair by Iain Duncan Smith's idleness police. That's only fair, after all.

But that's not all! "There was good news for the many people that contacted me regarding beer duty. Another penny off the pint! Cheers!" And let's not have any more back-talk about the Tories patronising the proles!

There is good news for motorists (I don't drive, unlike many members and supporters of the greenest government ever), good news for airline passengers (ditto), and help with energy bills that may save families £1.25 a month which they can put by for the next time the energy cartel decides its executives could do with something extra to keep their own families off the streets.

There is also a rather bizarre little squib about a "new ultra-secure £1 coin", which will be the most resilient ever and will have twelve sides. Obviously this is frightfully jolly.

Mike Freer does display a bit of concern about the rumours of a Labour and/or Deputy Conservative mansion tax, which would be "simply unfair, as many people in Finchley and Golders Green would have to leave their homes as a result" - real people, mind you, not the scroungers and shirkers affected by the Spare Bedroom Subsidy Withdrawal.

Since 2010, Finchley and Golders Green has acquired a food bank; but Mike Freer's pride in that particular Conservative achievement evidently goes without saying.


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