The Curmudgeon


Friday, August 15, 2014

Small Fluffy Creatures from Alpha Centauri

British scientists have participated in a successful hunt for seven immigrants which arrived eight years ago from outer space, having hitched a ride on a space probe which was intended for peaceful scientific purposes. The immigrants cunningly arranged to be only a few thousandths of a millimetre in diameter in order to avoid detection, and equipped themselves with fluffy bits so that ordinary people would not consider them a threat. Although used to the harsh extremes of space, the immigrants are thought by ministers to have deliberately and calculatingly made their way to Earth so as to take advantage of Britain's welfare state.

The Prime Minister has chaired seventeen Cobra meetings on the subject and is in constant contact with California, where the immigrants have been detained while authorities try to discover whether they have brought their families along without paying. Although a spokesbeing stressed that British dust was safe from adulteration, Labour criticised the Government for not doing enough to keep microscopic, inert aliens out of the solar system, while maverick UKIP councillor and part-time MEP Wilberforce Bosher-Mosley called on the Department for Profitable Pedagogy to make teaching of the flat-earth theory compulsory in Britain's schools. A Liberal Democrat is thought to have said something about tax credits, but not many people heard him.


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