The Curmudgeon


Sunday, June 08, 2014

We're All On Them Together

Thanks to the Big Society thingy, some of Britain's most vulnerable citizens are at last receiving due protection against their persecutors. A block of flats in central London has been fitted with inch-long metal spikes in the doorway to prevent the accumulation of non-productive human resources, whose presence might cause the price of the residence to decline and thereby contribute to a premature puncturing of the Bullingdon Bubble. Although comparatively few members of the British Neoliberal Party (even the London Haystack itself) have leapt forth to extol the virtues of this defensive decoration, surely few would deny that it epitomises the equality of opportunity which has become so rampant in modern Britain. Anyone, of whatever colour, creed or income bracket, is entitled to find the spikes as uncomfortable as they wish, should they choose to try and sleep on them.

Update It is only fair to note that the London Haystack (or, depending on the response, one of his understrappers) has now criticised the spikes as "ugly, self-defeating and stupid", thus injecting a much-needed aesthetic note into a debate which has hitherto been overly clogged with arguments merely social and humanitarian. Besides lowering property values as much, if not more, than a homeless person or a nearby windfarm, the spikes are self-defeating and stupid because the Haystack and his chums have already spent tens of millions making it difficult for the equity-disadvantaged to rest very long in one place. Doubtless all of London's hard-working home-owners will thank the Haystack for his interest in their plight.


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