Thick and Thin

Despite being run by Theresa May, who on her best days rivals the brilliant Iain Duncan Smith in both intellectual eminence and compassionate Conservatism, the Home Office has botched the deportation of Ifa Muaza, a Nigerian asylum seeker who has been on hunger strike for a hundred days in a calculated and malicious attempt to embarrass the Government. Despite Muaza being ruled unfit for detention, let alone deportation, the minions of May bundled him into a private jet and flew him to Nigeria, only to be denied entry to the country's airspace. The plane diverted to Malta, where the minions of May had a squabble with the authorities over the use of the airstrip. Muaza is now back in Britain, the round trip having cost about a hundred thousand pounds which, to look on the bright side, is now forever safe from being spent on benefits or legal aid or qualified teachers or anything nasty like that.

It is of course virtually undisputed that Britain is full up, and has no more room even for the very thinnest dusky foreigner, who would in any case fatten up soon enough on health tourism and Jobseeker's Allowance. Nevertheless, the Home Office has handled the case with such blatant crudity that even some Liberal Democrats are raising objections; notably Sarah Teather, who is retiring at the next election and therefore has nothing to fear. The same cannot be said for Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition, who have so far discreetly refrained from saying how much faster, cheaper and tougher they would have handled the matter.