The Curmudgeon


Monday, August 08, 2011

The Children's Crusade

The Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library is seeking to corrupt America's youth by giving away a hundred and fifty copies of Slaughterhouse-Five. The book was banned from a Missouri school after a professor by the near-perfect name of Wesley Scroggins had a squeal about it in the local newspaper. "The 'f word' is plastered on almost every other page," observed Scroggins, who also noted that "the content ranges from naked men and women in cages together so that others can watch them having sex to God telling people that they better not mess with his loser, bum of a son, named Jesus Christ". In fact, the "others" who watch the naked but singular man and woman are not salacious sex fiends but interested (and non-humanoid) extraterrestrials, although I am not sure whether the learned Scroggins would consider this a mitigation or an aggravation of the offence. The part about Jesus being a bum and a loser is from a fictitious gospel quoted in a summary of a fictitious work by the fictitious pulp-SF writer Kilgore Trout, although presumably the learned Scroggins feared that these metafictional subtleties would be lost on the good and intelligent people of Missouri. Nevertheless, some godless pornographer sheltering behind the anonymity of anonymity has donated a hundred and fifty copies of Vonnegut's book to the Memorial Library, which has threatened to pass them on to any student who sends an email. With this sort of thing going on in the schools, it's no wonder the poor devils can't seem to win their wars any more.


  • At 8:12 pm , Anonymous Madame X said...

    Amazing how a professor got to be a professor without knowing anything about a famous modern American author. I'd like to send them 150 copies of Pynchon's Against the Day which has much more graphic sex and labor history.


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