The Curmudgeon


Friday, February 25, 2011

Economy Shrinks in Cold Weather

Meteorologically unsustainable resources to lose their place in the sun

Unmutual and unbigsocietal weather usage could be to blame for up to several bits of a per cent more of the damage to the UK economy than government cuts, a Treasury spokesbeing said today.

The economy shrank by 0.6% in the last quarter of 2010, a sharper fall than anticipated despite government plans to deprive half a million people of their jobs and then cut their social security payments.

Although several large banks paid heroic levels of boardroom bonus in order to retain the kind of talented staff who can secure a multi-billion-pound, taxpayer-funded bailout with no strings attached, ordinary members of the public failed to do their part in rescuing Britain's beleaguered economy.

The Office for National Statistics said that most of the decline was caused by harsh winter weather in December.

The government responded with plans for extensive meteorological reform, whereby immigrants and single mothers lose one or more of their homes if they are found to be using weather in ways that are bad for Britain.

Prime Minister David Cameron said he realised when his son died that it was time for the state to "stop playing God and allowing the weather to fall equally on everyone who is under it."

Britain could no longer afford to be soft on those who made a lifestyle choice to shelter themselves while arms dealers went hungry, he said.


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