The Curmudgeon


Thursday, July 29, 2010

Benedict's Book of Boys

The Pontiff of Paedophilia has published a tract for children, an action which rivals Tony Blair's appointment as a "peace envoy" and Margaret Thatcher's recording of the Gettysburg Address for sheer gold-plated leopardskin-covered good taste. The book includes a syrupy prologue by one Father Julian Carron, who is kind enough to warn the fastidious that the sixteenth Daddy Goodspeak "takes us by the hand" when introducing us to the "small group of men who, one day two thousand years ago, met a young man who walked the roads of Galilee ... They were called Andrew and John, Peter, Matthew, Thomas"; it appears that all these people were recruited during that one day, contrary to the heretical implications of the Gospels that Matthew joined the cult somewhat later than the fishermen did. In addition, Carron audaciously overturns the tradition that the "young man" Jesus began his ministry at the age of thirty, which for a rural peasant in the first century CE meant maturity or early middle age. The book also treats of the Tarsus Inquisitor, who "became the greatest witness to Jesus" by largely ignoring his message and substituting fairy tales about his having risen from the dead. Of course, there is a perfectly good case for ignoring Jesus' message - most of it is quite repulsive, and its central tenet, the imminent arrival of the kingdom of God, was demonstrably and no doubt embarrassingly false even in Paul's time - but there is such a thing as making a bad idea worse. Since the book includes Paul, who never met him and had no interest whatever in his life or ministry, it is titled The Friends of Jesus; as one would expect, it studiedly omits to discuss Mary Magdalene. According to at least one gospel which the One True Church suppressed, Mary was so close a companion to Jesus that the other disciples asked him why he loved her more than them; and even according to the fairy tale she was first to see him risen, which would certainly not have been the case if they were friendly.


  • At 6:50 pm , Anonymous Madame X said...

    It was precisely how at odds these children's stories were with reality that made me a committed atheist by age 8. The condescension alone would have done it, but they've never been able to do without the saccharine.


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