The Curmudgeon


Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Tony On Leadership

A former foreign policy advisor to the Vicar of Downing Street, who doubtless had all the usual misgivings at the time, has informed the Chilcot nonentity that the poodle was yapping and drooling for full-on military action against Iraq by October 2002. The Bush administration could have destroyed Iraq on its own, said the ex-flunkey; but it regarded Britain's participation as "enormously desirable", presumably in order to provide a handy internationalist fig-leaf for its penetration of the Iraqi oil ministry.
Hence, three days after nearly finishing My Pet Goat, George W Bush fed Tony his conspiracy theory about Saddam Hussein and al-Qaida; Tony said that the evidence for such a link would have to be "very compelling indeed" before it could replace the weapons of mass nonexistence as an excuse for going ahead with democratisation by depleted uranium, but ordered the brilliant Defence Secretary, Geoff Hoon, to get his toys ready just in case.

Meanwhile, Tony has been favouring CNN with some of his thoughts on the art of leadership. "One of the things you learn as a leader ... is that you have a responsibility to make decisions," Tony profundified; doubtless George W Bush, if he ever watches CNN, was nodding his considered agreement with that one. "Some of those decisions are difficult ... some [are] controversial," Tony continued; certainly nothing for Dick Cheney or the House of Saud to quarrel with there. "I think it was one of your presidents who said: 'If you can't stand the heat, don't come into the kitchen.' And that's my view of politics," Tony concluded. In fact, the phrase runs, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen", and the originator was the well-known peacemaker, Harry S Truman; Tony is, of course, rather good at entering heated situations, sometimes even radioactive situations, and then leaving others to get themselves out. Nevertheless, despite his long-standing attraction to the Lord's Own Child-beating and Paedophilia Club, the Vicar of Downing Street did not bully his very own rock of steadfastness, Peter Goldsmith, into keeping quiet about the illegality of the assault on Iraq. Tony says it, so it must be true.


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