The Curmudgeon


Saturday, May 30, 2009

Shoulder to Shoulder with the Latvian Fatherland and Freedom Party

Daveybloke, the Cuddly Conservative, has clearly learned lessons from the disastrous regime of Edwina Currie's intimate friend, whose name escapes me at the moment. It was during those seven squalid and depressing years that the Conservative party tore itself apart over the issue of Europe, dividing into mutually contemptuous camps comprising those who had some idea what century they were living in and those who did not know, and did not want to know, and did not want anyone else to know either. The Currie-spicer vacillated between both positions, horrified at the prospect of what the Little Englanders might do to him yet terrified at the idea of losing the support of such intellectual firebrands as Leon Brittan.

Much to the Conservatives' fury, Labour's foreign policy has consisted in sycophancy towards Washington, failure to live up to international agreements, and war, war, war - not really a recipe with which the Conservatives can disagree. This led to Daveybloke's famous abandonment of Punch and Judy politics, followed by Daveybloke's principled resumption of Punch and Judy politics; but on the issue of Europe New Labour and its successor, New New Labour, have given the Conservatives an easy ride. Aside from occasional healthy indications of xenophobia such as sending Neil Kinnock or Peter Mandelson across the Channel, Labour's policy on Europe has been largely to ignore it, as Labour ignores such inconveniences as human rights, carbon emissions and the law of the land; which means that Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition has been able to ignore it too.

Unfortunately, Daveybloke's new, dynamic, courageous, reformist People's Policy of unilateral independence from the mainstream European conservative bloc, so that he can leap into bed with heavy hitters like the Union of Polish Gay-Bashers and the Latvian Fatherland and Freedom party, has re-opened some old wounds. Desperate to make the best use of the only area in which it is still possible to outflank New New Labour on the right while staying out of UKIP, Daveybloke will fight, if that is the word I want, the European elections as the most anti-European leader of a mainstream political party since Britain caught up with the bus it had missed and belatedly entered the EEC. Doubtless this will impress all the right people - Lord Tebbit, Rebekah Wade, the Latvian Fatherland and Freedom Party - and, of course, it says a good deal about the depth and effectiveness of Daveybloke's new, dynamic, courageous, reformist agenda. Indeed, it may say more than even Daveybloke would care to divulge.


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