Doubtful Thomas

Having spent so much time and effort protecting their realm from the perils of science and history, the Trumpster and his head-tribble will be relieved that an embarrassing document penned by a Founding Father is about to be auctioned off. The document is a letter from Thomas Jefferson, a slave-owner who compromised his admirably anti-woke domestic arrangements by dabbling in philosophy and by mixing his Christianity with rationalism instead of nationalism. It seems that his correspondence further tarnishes his reputation by advocating peace abroad and fiscal responsibility at home, in defiance of all that made America great aforetimes. Though privately owned, Jefferson's letter has also subverted American values by having itself displayed at a place of education; it is now to be sold for an estimated hundred and forty-two and a half thousand portraits of its writer, and patriots will presumably be hoping for its rapid disappearance into some collector's trophy hoard.