The Empire's Old Clothes

Yet again the Continent has cut itself off from British values by the persistent perverseness of its perfidy, with the beastly French hatching a treacherous plot against the rag trade. The government has announced a scheme forcing the taxpayer to subsidise repairs of clothes and shoes, thereby dangerosuly subverting the great capitalist principle of planned obsolescence which has already been dangerously undermined by Robespierrean interference in the restaurant industry. Once again, Britons will be grateful that independence from the Strasbrussels dictatorship was achieved in time to liberate the master race for its world-beating crusade to save the environment through fossil fuel extraction.