Party Animals

Just as those entrepreneurs who profit from the labour shortage are being assiduously protected by the hostile environment and the Rwanda transportation programme, so those patriots who profit from the climate crisis are receiving scrupulous aid from the Minister for Greenrinsing and Whatever. Thérèse Coffey dismissed the merely expert view that re-wilding and reducing the amount of land given over to livestock would be good for the environment, then took a brief hobnailed walk across the face of the baroness in charge of the National Farmers' Union, who had the temerity to claim that the egg sector was undergoing a market failure on the transparently woke grounds that a million hens have been lost and supermarket shelves are empty. Coffey further assured the NFU that sea eagles will not be permitted to carry off their livestock, which should prove an easy promise to keep since sea eagles habitually feed on carrion; and she also ruled out the reintroduction of lynx and wolves into the wild, doubtless because her party has always been more comfortable with sharks and leeches.