Gunboat Diplomacy

Even a Conservative government occasionally has to make some sort of show at governing, and it seems Fishy Rishi has become vaguely aware that the Irish Question remains as vexed as ever. Tumbledown Tessie's erstwhile accomplices in the DUP are off in a huff because Sinn Féin very selfishly received too many votes in the local elections; while the beastly Euro-wogs still appear to think that the United Kingdom is bound by treaty obligations even when the treaty was signed by Boris Johnson. If there is anything Fishy Rishi understands, it's bribery and kickback; so the Government is throwing the troubled province a sop by reviving the Freedom of the Seas. Three new naval vessels are to be assembled at Belfast, and will presumably enter dinghy-hunting service in the Channel some time in the 2060s. The signs are already as auspicious as one would expect: the lucky shipyard is notable for having built the Titanic, and has cranes named after a blind man who caused a building to collapse and a giant who was destroyed by a teenager with a pebble.