Britain's Brave Boys in Braverman Border Battle

Meanwhile, back in the comfortably padded bunker that is the Ministry for Wog Control, the security of Britain's borders remains the non-negotiable number one priority; which might be more reassuring if it were possible to believe that the relevant Secretary of State can count up to one. Having deployed the customary tsunami of rhetoric against a fictitious invasion of our southern coast, she now plans to defeat the gathering outvasion by those unreliable elements who selfishly indulge their penchant for foreign parts and lesser breeds without having the common decency to own a private jet or a taxpayer-funded yacht. The Minister for Wog Control has proclaimed that, should immigration staff go on strike, "some of our military colleagues" will be brought in to replace them, but has also cast doubt upon the ability of the best armed services in the world to shoulder this glorious burden. In order to ensure that they possess the unassailable authority of the non-expert, the Ministry's military colleagues will be granted a few days of training in place of the few weeks usually given to the civilian ingrates; and of course even a military débâcle of Afghan proportions would be preferable to compromising the security of Britain's borders by providing acceptable pay and conditions for those employed to maintain the security of Britain's borders.