May loosen bowels in panic
When decent folk must rush to save themselves:
In plague and isolation,
We've seen phlegmatic Nation
Flush toilet paper clean from all the shelves.
Now patriots are hunting
For flag-emblazoned bunting
To jubilate the Seventieth Year:
They seek red, white and blue stuff,
Absorbent, and not too rough
To utilise when polishing the rear.
Patty Numlump OBE
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