Skilled Workers

British values are set to receive another boost as the Home Office prepares to throw yet more taxpayers' money at some of its favourite boot-boys. Those charmingly skilled Serco people will be taking over a couple of wog warehousing sites from the almost equally skilled and charming G4S people, despite the latter's consistent record of assault, abuse and fraud. Under the new contract, Serco will be obliged to discipline and punish (education), impose forced labour (skills-based activities) and teach its henchbeings to hit so the bruises won't show (safeguarding and vulnerability training). There will also be an increase in the number of staff who can take a lawful and proper approach to depriving the inmates of social security. The company's chief executive noted that the Ministry for Wog Control invested a significant quantity of envelope-backs drawing up the new contract, although it remains as yet unclear precisely by how much the penalties for abusing migrants or defrauding the taxpayer will outweigh the rewards for abusing migrants and defrauding the taxpayer.