Why We Need Those Submarines

Rebellious Scots look set to join a monolithic and ruthless Celtic conspiracy to undermine British values by opposing the Conservatives' perfectly sane and compassionate scheme to replace the Human Rights Act with a rah-rah new Bill of Duties for the British Subject. Concerns have already been raised in Northern Ireland that such a move could breach the Good Friday agreement, despite the famous British victory over the forces of republican nationalism. In Scotland, minions of the fiend Sturgeon have threatened to exclude themselves from the responsibilities of Britishness on the paltry grounds that devolution permits their doing so. The Scottish secretary, who is doubtless the brightest and best that was willing to fag for Britain's Head Boy north of the border, dismissed such technicalities with a wave of his hand while informing the Scotch people of their share in the Bullingdon Club's concerns that "we have got the balance wrong between rights and responsibilities." It is as yet unclear whether this means there are plans to balance corporate rights of exploitation and profit in the UK with corresponding responsibilities to pay their tax; or whether it merely means that the right to free speech will be balanced by an obligation to blame wogs and scroungers rather than the Government when things go wrong.