Statesmanlike Solutions

With his usual salesman's perspicacity, Britain's Head Boy has noticed that protecting British jobs by letting Africans drown has proven a bit of a PR disaster. Creating refugees on Europe's border is a very different proposition from creating them in the Middle East, where the perils of migrant absorption are confined to countries like Iran and Syria, which lack the incomparable yet fragile glory of Britishness and are not quite full up.

Britain's Head Boy's little orange poodle, whose principled opposition to the wog-bombing of Libya was so courageously outspoken that it made no difference at all, agrees with Dave. Two weeks from a general election is a time for statesmanlike, decisive action on all fronts. Britain's Head Boy did his best to blame the ghastly Euro-wogs, and the poodle wrote an article for the Guardian, expressing deep concern about the desperate conditions into which Libya has somehow descended in spite of the coalition's best efforts. Meanwhile the London Haystack, as the Head Boy's touted successor, took his usual stance of common-sense populism and advocated more war in Libya.