Our Great Leap Forward Must Not Be Hampered By Non-Indigenous Skills

Having failed to achieve her lifetime's dream of reducing net immigration to some arbitrary limit, the mad old cat lady at the Home Office has brought the mighty force of her intellect to bear on a more modest, if at least equally mindless, target. Of course, as the London Haystack's potential rival in the race to wield the knife should Britain's Head Boy fail Big School in its hour of need, the mad old cat lady has to show her true-blue credentials, which these days consist largely in an abiding and irresistible urge to pander to the Farage Falange. Accordingly, in the face of criticism from a prominent business leader, she has held rigidly true to ideological orthodoxy. As a precaution against Britain being swamped by hundreds of thousands of horrendously qualified student wogs, she pledged to attract the brightest and best fee-payers from around the world, before kicking them out at the earliest opportunity.