It's a Good Life

One of the most charming features of our new consensual corporatised globalised capitalist system is the use of advertising by companies which were formerly public utilities. Every now and then on the Tube one sees a vast Technirama poster tastefully blaring propaganda about how much water is pumped through the country's decaying pipes, and at what truly fascinating cost. No doubt there were lots of happy smiling workers on the poster too, just as in real life; but since relatively few Tube passengers are in the habit of awarding contracts to water companies, it does make one wonder who is meant to be the beneficiary of all this sublime information.

Presumably the idea is to educate us; to move us gently from that complacent state which results from water coming out of the tap just because we've turned it on. Under our new consensual corporatised globalised capitalist system, the whole world is heading rapidly upwards, towards ever greater efficiency, ever faster progress, ever more economic growth and ever more intellectually challenging game shows; but that is no reason to become complacent. Each time we turn on a tap, and each time water emerges, and each time the water turns out to have no immediately detectable admixture of radioactive industrial waste, we should pause, give thanks to those on high, and renew our vow not to complain about the bill. A clean, reliable water supply is a pearl beyond price, so clearly no price (or executive salary) can be too high to pay for it.

London Underground have recently started up something along related lines. Now that the fares have undergone the usual January hike (a leisurely annual wander down the road of captive consumerism, ending in the foothills of private profit and the heights of executive arrogance), it appears that, rather than spend the extra money on mundane things like public transport, they've brought in an image consultant. At least, I hope they consulted somebody, because I don't think I'd care to travel on trains run by a company capable of thinking this up on their own.

Seasoned travellers on London Underground are familiar with those delightfully echoing public address announcements informing them that smoking is not permitted, that luggage should be kept close to one's person at all times, that the next train's destination is not the one displayed, and that delays are occurring on various lines due to essential repairs, signal failures, security incidents or (my favourite) "customer actions". Thanks to London Underground's image consultants, these announcements are no longer confined to delays and excuses; a new and wonderful means of customer edification has been brought into glorious life.

London Underground has started broadcasting, on its PA system, every five or ten minutes when there is nothing of greater moment to report, such announcements as "There is a good service on the Northern Line today". Unfortunately they fail to specify whether "good" is a relative or an absolute term, which somewhat diminishes its value as information; but the basic fact remains. The fact remains that London Underground's general standard is such that, as its passengers wait patiently amid the grime and the noise and the overcrowding and stare at window stickers urging them to back London's Olympic bid, the company feels the need to inform them, repeatedly, that nothing has yet gone wrong.