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Friday, December 03, 2004

News 2020

News so new it hasn't happened yet

A fossil skeleton recently unearthed in the Middle East confirms the truth of the Bible and casts further doubt on the humanity of the Palestinians, according to archaeological experts.

Dr Ohio Jones, of the US archaeological association, Dig Jesus, says the skeleton shows that the Palestinians, and possibly other Arabs, originated with a completely different ancestor to white people and Israelis.

Dig Jesus is the originator of the theory of "creative evolutionism", which holds that, while certain races of people may have evolved from apes as evolutionists contend, the more advanced peoples of the world were created by God to rule over them "as the beasts of the field".

Creative evolutionists believe that the Palestinians are among the evolved, as opposed to the created, races. They point to the many pronouncements by Israeli leaders to the effect that Palestinians are not fully human.

"The Bible says that the Jews are one of God's chosen people," says Dr Jones, "and Menahem Begin was speaking from the Holy Land when he called the Palestinians beasts on two legs. I think in the circumstances it's safe to assume divine inspiration for that statement. I don't think many real scientists would argue with me on that."

Extremists at both ends of the spectrum have accused the creative evolutionists of distorting Biblical or scientific truth, but the enormous popular following for the movement in the United States shows the value of compromise in such matters.

Asked where his theory left the Biblical claim that Jews and Arabs share a common ancestor in Abraham, Dr Jones said that such objections showed the illogicality of his critics. "It always amazes me that those who disbelieve in Israel's right to its ancestral homeland are always the first to quote Genesis as it applies to Abraham's son Ishmael," he said.

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