The Curmudgeon


Wednesday, January 07, 2015

Enemies of Democracy

"It's an outrage," said the Prime Minister.
"An atrocity, Prime Minister."
"Inexcusable and utterly barbaric."
"Unacceptable, Prime Minister."
"Outside any possible limit of civilised behaviour."
"Thoroughly counter-productive to any reasonable life goal, Prime Minister."
"I am appalled and horrified."
"So am I, Prime Minister."
"I condemn it absoutely."
"So do I, Prime Minister."
"In the strongest possible terms."
"In the strongest terms which expediency permits me, Prime Minister."
"I mean," said the Prime Minister, dewlaps wobbling with ethical indignation, "this is absolutely fucking typical isn't it. They know there's an election here in a few months, they know it's going to be tight, they know we need all the help we can get, and what do they do? Hog the terror, that's what."
"I couldn't agree with you more, Prime Minister."
"Bloody Frogs," said the Prime Minister. "It just shows the bottom line of this whole Continental thingy about co-operation and teamwork and fair shares for all and the rest of it. After our moral leadership on letting migrants drown, after all the trouble we've had opting out of stuff and then opting back into the bits we like, after... after we won the war... well, you really would think it might occur to them that we were owed a break or two in return. A bit of extra payback on the terrorist quota is just what we need at this point. But does that occur to them? Does it?"
"In fairness, Prime Minister, we should be able to get a slight panic out of this."
"Oh yes, a slight panic," said the Prime Minister bitterly. "We can bump up the terror threat level to oh my god they're fucking HERE, and I can say a few words about freedom of the Press and the imminent peril of a Hacked Off caliphate, but seriously - a dozen dead Euro-wogs? You might as well talk about thirty or forty dead Yemenoids, or a couple of hundred Palestinians. Where's the mileage in that? Where's the relevance to modern Britain? Where's the crusade, the witch-hunt, the Big Society?"
"It was a despicable and cowardly act, Prime Minister."
"So we're agreed, then."
"As always, Prime Minister," said the Leader of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition; and they linked arms and marched, shoulder to shoulder, into the rumbling echo chamber.


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