The Curmudgeon


Friday, May 23, 2014

Those Local Election Results In Full

Fury at henhouse earthquake horror

UKIP have set off the tremors of a political earthquake which has shot the fox among the turkeys in the henhouse of British journalistic cliché, according to the latest results of the results of the local elections, sources said.

The Caudillo of UKIP, Nigel Falange, said that the UKIP natural disaster had triumphed, despite the minor setbacks of gaining control of no local authorities and failing to raise its share of the vote.

"The British people have spoken, and now at last perhaps we can dare to talk about the issues of immigration and Europe, which have scarcely been mentioned for the past fifty years except in one or two very small Daily Mail headlines," said Mr Falange.

However, as results flooded in the resulting results resulted in consternation in the two mainstream branches of the British Neoliberal Party as a result, however.

A split emerged in the Labour party over the question of whether Labour had been too soft on immigration, or too soft on UKIP for being too soft on immigration. Several people also said that Ed Milibeing was weird.

A split emerged in the Conservative party over the question of whether to keep on kicking poor people and foreigners, or to make an electoral pact with UKIP in order to keep on kicking poor people and foreigners.

A spokesbeing for the Liberal Democrats, whose local authority representation now consists mostly of Cheltenham and a flooded Portaloo on the South Downs, said that such results were "only to be expected at this stage in a parliament".

The Liberal Democrat leader, David Cameron, has ruled out any possibility of a coalition with UKIP, unless in "exceptional circumstances" when it would serve the good of the nation and enable Nick Clegg to retain his little red box.

On the basis of today's results, the results of next year's general election have been recalibrated and may turn out to be almost as accurate as predicted in some cases.

Among the comparatively trivial matters buried under the rubble from the political earthquake were the opinions of the seventy to eighty per cent of the electorate who voted for none of the above.


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