The Curmudgeon


Monday, May 02, 2011

Horror at Pet Care Fury

Austerity bites as economy rolls over

The furious budgerigar of economic hardship is forcing pet owners to claw back expenses, according to a study by the animal welfare charity Blue Cross.

Half a million pet owners have been reduced to giving leftovers to their pet instead of feeding the dustbin, which has caused great social humiliation.

Two-thirds of pet owners are "having to dig deeper" to find the money to feed their pet and endow the statistics with the necessary quota of journalistic meaninglessness.

One in five say they are dropping visits to the vet in order to keep the bills down, and there has been a 19% rise in abandoned animals.

All these figures are expected to rise after Thursday's local elections and referendum, when Conservatives will be forced to decide whether the Liberal Democrats are worth their keep.

Liberal Democrats claim that the Conservatives are looking for an excuse to economise on "normal pets" so that they can concentrate on keeping their own more exotic breeds, such as the nearly edible Michael Gove.

Nick Clegg's ostentatious refusal to leg-hump the Prime Minister is only part of the problem, sources said today.

The coalition has also had trouble recently because of Chris Huhne's yapping and spraying and Vincent Cable's continuing inability to eat his own excrement without leaving some behind.


  • At 5:07 pm , Anonymous darjeeling junkie said...

    Apparently,Native American tribes considered the Gove an 'impure' animal,and as such would refrain from eating it,excepting the most extreme circumstances.But Gove bone-meal was regarded as acceptable fertilizer for the maize fields,providing a pleasing way to minimise waste without defiling the sacred temple of the body.

  • At 8:23 pm , Anonymous Madame X said...

    To paraphrase HST, they're one of a kinds, but just to be on the safe side, we should neuter them anyway.

  • At 7:00 am , Blogger Foamier said...

    My cat was watching the royal wedding and threw up what looked like the entire contents of his intestines. Proof, if proof were needed, that cats are far smarter than dogs.

  • At 8:06 am , Anonymous Michael Greenwell said...

    Abandoned pets often turn feral.

  • At 1:12 pm , Blogger Philip said...

    Can you have a feral Lib Dem? It sounds a bit paradoxical, like an intellectual BNP-er or a highly evolved creationist.

  • At 8:49 am , Blogger Foamier said...

    Or a creative accountant.

  • At 8:04 am , Anonymous cat care guide said...

    Pets should be treated well. Just like human, they do have lives to protect and to be respected. Owners should give it to their individual pets.


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