Holy Crap, It's Cormac

The former archbishop of Westminster, Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, whose temperance, compassion and intellectual honesty have been noted with much appreciation by the present writer, has been appointed by the sixteenth Daddy Goodspeak as an Apostolic Visitator to Ireland, in order to "explore more deeply questions concerning the handling of cases of abuse and the assistance owed to the victims"; which may or may not involve discovering more efficient ways than the Church has heretofore practised of pinning the blame on atheists, homosexuals, the press and the Jews. As a fully accredited Visitating Apostoliser, Murphy-O'Connor will be empowered to interrogate hundreds of people in churches, seminaries, convents and other outlets of Vatican Incorporated, and to report back directly to the sixteenth Daddy Goodspeak. Murphy-O'Connor is ideally qualified to take charge of such an enterprise, since he was himself involved, as bishop of Arundel and Brighton during the eighties, in sheltering a paedophile priest from the rigours of the secular arm, and can thus be relied upon to exercise Christian understanding wherever Vatican Incorporated deems it appropriate.